Quote-o-rama:
The Third Miscellaneous File
"The Ten Commandments should be posted in all courtrooms. And the U.S. Constitution should be glued onto Jesus' chest in every church in America." _The Onion_, www.theonion.com "Cowards make better strategists." -Terry Pratchett "People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character." -Ralph Waldo Emerson "Do good to those who despitefully use you and persecute you. I, who am a much hated man, have been doing that all my life and I can assure you that there is no better fun." -George Bernard Shaw "I've never told anyone else this, but maybe you should reconsider your new found appreciation of God and go back to drugs. You know you want to. It's the only joy you'll get out of life because acting sure won't give you that high." -Hallenback, AICN master spy, on Gary Busey in _Soldier_ "Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide. " -Napoleon "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962 "Look, I don't know how they do things on your home planet, spaceman... but here in Mayberry, we just don't talk to gun-toting, redneck, amphetamine freaks that way." _Red Meat_ "We can feel the pulse of time, naked in the wake of lies that suffocate and blind, we may burn but we will shine." -"13 Above the Night," My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult "The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of hell." -St. Augustine "Any movement in history which attempts to perpetuate itself, becomes reactionary." -Josip Broz Tito "I find perspective overrated, you know." "Kind of like self-esteem?" _Dork Tower_ "...The sky is infinitely inventive in these parts. It's not like Manhattan, where the man-made world is so spectacular that the sky just doesn't bother to compete.~ http://www.lileks.com/ "There are still so many beautiful things to be said in C major." -Sergei Prokofiev "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." -Muhammed Ali "It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." -Sam Levenson "Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them." -Richard Strauss "Television is in danger of being overwhelmed by techno whiz kids who are woefully lacking in the ability to realize a coherent narrative through any sensitive understanding of the underlying principless of pace, tone and structure." -Producer David Puttnam "If the chick cannot break out of its shell, the chick will die without ever being born. We are the chick. The world is our egg. If the world's shell does not break, we will die without being born. Smash the world's shell! For the revolution of the world!" -Revolutionary Girl Utena "Science has achieved some wonderful things, of course, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day." _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ "Do not seek death. Death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment." -Dag Hammarskjold "Older men declare war. But it's youth that must fight and die." -Herbert Hoover, 27 June 1944 "You will never be rid of me." -Raven A. "Life can't be all bad when for ten dollars you can buy all the Beethoven sonatas and listen to them for ten years." -William F. Buckley, Jr. "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner." -Lynda Montgomery "Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral." -Kehlog Albran, "The Profit" "When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities." -Matt Groening "[...a poet is nothing but] a beautiful ineffectual angel beating in the void his luminous wings in vain." -Matthew Arnold, on Shelley "For instance, you shouldn't call out Austin and Hunter like a rabid dog, and then gently set the expensive microphone on the ground before rushing down to the ring. Real stars don't worry about breaking stuff." -Steve Harper, wrestleline.com "Dr. Strangegutt, is it going to plan?" "Yep. Not my plan though." -Onion Head Monster, http://www.onionheadmonster.com/ "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." -Napoleon "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -Bill Gates, 1981 "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929 "If we never looked at things and thought what they might be, we'd still be living in the tall grass with the apes." -James Goldman, "They Might Be Giants" "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." -Popular Mechanics, 1949 "Some people become punks because they want to be cool like me and others are just mentally unbalanced and don't know to bathe, so people just assume they're punks and start giving them rides to shows." -Matt M. "Deceive boys with toys, but men with oaths." -Lysander, 395 BC "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." -Gary Cooper, declining the lead role in _Gone with the Wind_ "I wish I were less awkward around strangers. I never know what to say when someone asks me who I am and what the hell I'm doing in their house." -www.topfive.com "Look at what's happening in America's inner-cities. If our hopeless legal system continues going the same liberal direction, there will be anarchy before long. We need one person in an influential position to stand up and tell the truth about gun control lobbies, the death penalty and that our criminal justice system basically stinks." -Sylvester Stallone, 1995 _Judge Dredd_ interview "Only geeks threaten to /send mail/." -Dave M. "Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things; but just look at what they can do when they stick together." -M. Kelly "Retarded ending aside, the match kicked 900 types of ass and still had a lineup around the corner of asses to be kicked at its leisure." -Netcop's rant for WM2001, www.wrestleline.com "Dr. Dudden forced a smile, which mingled practised insincerity with a desperate need to ingratiate." _House of Sleep_ by Jonathon Coe "Forget pride in Mordheim, boy. The streets are strewn with the corpses of proud men." _Town Cryer_ "We went through hell, just to get to hell. Die of thirst or drink up from the poisoned well." -Quasi, "Poisoned Well" "To 'know thyself' must mean to know the malignancy of one's own instincts and to know, as well, one's power to deflect it." -Karl Menninger "Why can't it be wrong _and_ normal?" -E. Honda, truemeaningoflife.com "This is the crazed, manic energy of the bull at the end of the fight, fatally wounded but ploughing ahead, driven only by pain and anger and the mindless will to go on living." _House of Sleep_ by Jonathon Coe "And somehow this is worth discussing? I guess not, but well, I'm already done now." -Jack E. "Once you get over a B-cup, a nipple ring looks like a doorknocker." -Sue P. "This is the kind of punch you leave your family in your will." -Imam S. "This is the advice-column industry's penultimate dirty little secret. (The industry's ultimate dirty little secret? The meth lab in Ann Landers' basement.)" -Dan Savage, Savage Love "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." -Gandhi "If Cheney ever has a heart attack during a press conference, he should clutch his chest and shout, 'Elizabeth, I'm comin'!'" _theonion.com_ "The natural progression of thought, as guys think, went like this: 1) Let's make a robot. 2) Wouldn't it be cool if it fought other robots?" -MSNBC article on "Battlebots" "I won't even get into the multilayered irony of Rage Against the Machine selling the rights to a song called 'Renegades of Funk' to a group who is supposedly anti-establishment. Who sold out? EVERYONE." -Scott Keith, on ECW "It's not cheating if you do it badly." -Ashwath G. "The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident." -Charles Lamb, "Table Talk" "Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be." -Mark Twain "Perfect valour consists in doing without witnesses that which we would be capable of doing before everyone." -Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." -Bob Ettinger "And they had a king over them, which is the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in the Hebrew tongue is Abaddon." -Revelations 9:11 "It is important to practice safe routing. Remember, if you are unsafely routing with someone, you are also unsafely routing with everyone else they're routing with." -Scott Ballew "I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy. And I don't seem to have committed suicide." -Deborah Skinner, B.F.'s daughter "A report was released today by the American Association of Psychiatric Professionals which demonstrates that you can often find out what is making a person upset by asking them." -Ulala, http://truemeaningoflife.com "Let us be aware that while they [the Soviet government] preach the supremacy of the State, declare its omnipotence over the individual man, and predict its eventual domination of all peoples on the Earth, they are the focus of evil in the modern world." -Ronald Reagan, May 8, 1983 "Human folly does not impede the turning of the stars." -Tom Robbins, _Skinny Legs and All_ "Now Steiner, being a 'rassler,' may not appreciate me calling him a nice guy." -Forsyth, NC County Sheriff Ron Barker on Scott Steiner "Why can't you be obsessed with 'Baywatch' like other males in your demographic subcategory?" -Igor, _Dork Tower_ "[Musicians] talk of nothing but money and jobs. Give me businessmen every time. They really are interested in music and art." -Jean Sibelius "Not because I have a fear of intimacy or anything, it's just that I have an onion for a head. You understand." -Chop Chop Master Onion, http://truemeaningoflife.com/ "It's a lot like the DMV, only with more gnomes." -the EverQuest FAQK, http://www.brunching.com/ "I'd never downplay the talent of the above mentioned wrestlers, but even Tommy Lee got tired of banging Pamela Anderson." -Fonzo's Title Wave, http://www.wrestleline.com/ "[Pro wrestling] is like a soap opera for guys. Instead of all the crappy 'I love you, you love him,' 'he's sleeping with this person,' 'this person is dying' themes you have cool themes. Themes like 'I want to kidnap your girl,' 'I want to beat the shit outta you,' 'I wanna kick your ass,' 'I wanna hit you with a lead pipe,' 'I can bench you and your mom,' etc." -PapaFunk, Mac of LaF "The Matrix is like a giant beast. There will be no stopping it until it has consumed us all." -Gideon, "Virtual Realities," _Shadowrun_ "Quit fucking whining. Best advice you'll get all day, guaranteed." -http://truemeaningoflife.com "Best party ever and worst idea ever aren't necessarily mutually exclusive." -Steph H. "Civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof." -John F. Kennedy, inaugural address "Nothing does my heart good like two Canadians pounding the shit out of each other with hardware." -Scott Keith, Royal Rumble '01 rant "Max seemed to her now a sort of dead man, a bloodless creature who behaved toward human beings like an insect collector, skewering them in glass cases with labels underneath, this one a personality disorder, this one a hysteric." _Asylum_, by Patrick McGrath "The house smelled of boiled cabbage and seemed occupied exclusively by shabby grey people who avoided her eyes when she passed them in the corridor or on the stairs." _Asylum_, by Patrick McGrath "A good newspaper, I suppose, is a nation talking to itself." -Arthur Miller "I think people are essentially the same. Everybody is in a continuing struggle to survive, or to prevail over life. The environment we live in is changing. In modern society, the rhythm of life is so accelerated that our attention span is shorter, and our patience is a little shorter. We're looking for faster gratification, quicker solutions to things. I have to address it with the writing I'm doing now. It's influencing students I've talked to. The Internet and MTV are changing the rhythm of reading. We want solutions more quickly, more rapidly." -Will Eisner "Honestly, kids, aimless rebellion doesn't have to be this stupid." -Nathan Rabin, _theavclub.com_ "The normal make a living. The deranged make history." -Titus "There is no fear. Only bullshit." -Prakriti P. "Now 'The Rock,' he can go on Jay Leno and tell everybody that he's really Duane Johnson. But you can't do that here. You have to be the meanest, nastiest SOB that ever drew breath! I don't want to see your pretty, little girlfriend in the crowd going, 'Go honey, go honey!' You don't have a pretty, little girlfriend! You are the demon of the deep! The guardian of the gates of Hell!" -Jim Cornette, WWF, on OVW "Camoflage is the colour of fear... I have no need to hide from my foes... I have no fear of death. My colours I wear openly, they proclaim louder than any words, 'I am proud to live - I am proud to die.'" -Commander Carab Cullin Red Scorpions chapter Warhammer 40,000 "aieee! I am noodlified!" -Sue P. "But on the Internet, there are no surprise Prussians." -Dave M. "Drill for Oil? You mean Drill into the ground and try to find oil? You're crazy." -Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle "Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats." -Victor Borge, playing to a half-filled house in Flint, Michigan "You can't try to do things - you simply must do them." -Ray Bradbury "It was unsuccessful both as box office and as a film... It was disappointing, and I didn't really work in the role. I have to take some responsibility for it. Career-wise, it was a great opportunity for me, the greatest ever." "I was perfectly willing to sell out. I just failed at it -- miserably... I just better focus on getting better scripts or I'm a dead man." -George Clooney, about Batman 4 "It's like Unitarianism, without the Unitarianism." -Chris R. "No matter how mean he is to me, I just love this guy because together, together, we give hope to gray-haired chunky baby boomers everywhere." -Bill Clinton, on Jay Leno "Eric, you wouldn't know bad taste if it came up behind you and licked your asshole with your mother's severed tongue." -Dayv B., from r.m.industrial "Men are made by nature unequal. It is vain, therefore, to treat them as if they were equal." -James A. Froude "It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same." -Sir Philip Gibbs "It was all my rabbi's fault, man." -Bill Goldberg, on how he got started in professional wrestling "I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle." -Alfred Hitchcock "Down in their hearts, wise men know this truth: the only way to help yourself is to help others." -Elbert Hubbard, _The Philistine_ "God has given me the will and the force to overcome all obstacles." -Napoleon "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" -Richard Jeni "You are missing the point. Unfortunately, you are by all appearances incapable of conceiving the point." -Jon, from my old D&D group "I have studied their culture for many months, and while they are highly advanced, they are also intensely stupid." -me, from my old D&D group "The hateful :) means `just kidding' and is used by people who would dot their i's with little circles and should have their eyes dotted with Drano." -Penn Jillette "It's evolution you dodo!" -Kristen Parker "Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans -- born in this country, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace." -John F. Kennedy "Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." -Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872 "Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians." -Charles Krauthammer "The church says that the Earth is flat, but I have seen the shadow on the moon and I have more faith in the shadow than in the church." -Ferdinand Magellan "You are confused. Black does not represent evil. Black represents anxiety. Senator Jesse Helms represents evil." -The Omniscient Usenet Oracle "I never was the girl next door." -Bettie Page "That's the worst enemy, I think, of any filmmaker is the expectation of an audience. Thankfully, I'm such a lousy filmmaker that the expectation is always low. All I have to do is make them laugh once or twice and I think I've covered my ass, but working with low expectation is something I'm really into because then you don't have people going, 'It's gonna be great,' and then the large potential for disappointment." -Kevin Smith, AICN interview "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain "Imam, you stinky she-male! I am not a tasty puff pastry!" -Jenna V. "ain't nothing wrong with drinking by yourself, don't ever let anyone tell you that, man. cause, if you weren't intended to be able to drink by yourself, god woulda given you a button on your back, right at the point you can't reach, and this button would allow you to drink, but you'd have to have soeone their to push it." -Wendi
Page by: Paul M. M. Jacobus (paul@otd.com)
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