Quote-o-rama:
The Big Movie File: H-J
"Ladies, please avert your eyes... 'cause I've been known to hypnotize." -Lovelace, _Happy Feet_ Lombardo: What are you gonna do? Subject him to cruel and unusual punishment? Raul: Unimaginable torture? Lombardo: Imaginable torture? _Happy Feet_ Harold: Did Dougie Howser just steal my fucking car? Kumar: Yes... I think he did. _Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle_ Harold: *This* is your plan? Kumar: It's working, isn't it? _Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle_ "Bullets! My only weakness! How did you know?" _Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle_ "Harry, you're the boy who lived." -Hagrid, _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ "We can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible, yes, but great." -Ollivander, _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ "I can teach you how to bewitch the mind, and ensnare the senses. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper on death." -Snape, _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ Oliver Wood: Scared, Harry? Harry: A little. Oliver Wood: It's all right. I felt the same way before my first game. Harry: What happened? Oliver Wood: Er, I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in the hospital a week later. _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ "You're a little scary sometimes, you know that. Brilliant. But scary." -Ron, to Hermione, _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ Draco: OK. Then I get Fang! Hagrid: Fine. Just so you know, he's a bloody coward. _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ "There is no good and evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it..." -Voldemort, _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ Ginny: Mummy, have you seen my jumper? Mrs. Weasley: Yes dear, it was on the cat. _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ "Your scar is legend. As of course, is the wizard who gave it to you." -Lucius, _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ Lucius Malfoy: What's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard, if they don't even pay you well for it? Arthur Weasley: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy. Lucius: Clearly. _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ Harry: I was just wondering, whether you put me into the right house? The Sorting Hat: Yes, you were particularly difficult to place, but I stand on what I said last year: You would have done well in Slytherin. Harry: You're wrong. _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ "Voldemort is my past, present, and future." -Tom Marvolo Riddle, _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_ "Why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me?" _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ Ron: So Sirius Black has broken out of Azkaban to come after you? Hermione: But they'll catch Black, won't they? I mean, everyone's looking for him. Ron: Sure... except no one's broken out of Azkaban before and he's a murderous, raving lunatic. Harry: Thanks, Ron. _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ "They're all Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads." -Veronica, _Heathers_ "You were nothing before you met me. You were a bluebird. You were a brownie. You were a girlscout cookie." _Heathers_ "People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, 'Now there's a school that self-destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society!' Now that's deep." -Jason Dean, _Heathers_ "Tis a miracle, one must feel, that two such heavenly creatures are real." _Heavenly Creatures_ Cassandra: You should be dead! Paris: Give me a minute _Helen of Troy_ Bruttenholm: 1937, Hitler joins the Thule Society, a group of German aristocrats obsessed with the occult. In 1938, he acquired the Spear of Longinus, which pierced the side of Christ. He who holds it becomes invincible. Hitler's power increases tenfold. 1943, President Roosevelt decides to fight back. The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense is born. 1958, the Occult Wars finally come to an end with the death of Adolf Hitler - [interrupting] Myers: 1945, you mean. Hitler died in '45. Bruttenholm: [amused] Did he now? _Hellboy_ "In the absence of light, darkness prevails. There are things that go bump in the night, Agent Myers. Make no mistake about that. And we are the ones who bump back." -Bruttenholm, _Hellboy_ "Unique. That is a word you will hear frequently around here." -Bruttenholm, _Hellboy_ Liz: In the dark I heard your voice, what did you say? Hellboy: I said, "Hey, you on the other side. Let her go. 'Cause for her, I'll cross over, and when that happens you'll be sorry." _Hellboy_ "What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" -Rob, _High Fidelity_ Rob: Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians. Laura: No, it's really not, Rob. You know why? Because Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel make pop records. Rob: Made. Made. Marvin Gaye is dead. His father shot him. _High Fidelity_ "We're no longer called Sonic Death Monkey. We're on the verge of becoming Kathleen Turner Overdrive, but just for tonight, we are Barry Jive and his Uptown Five." -Barry, _High Fidelity_ "I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us." -Adele, _Home for the Holidays_ Joanne: You're calling me a freak? Tommy: No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction. _Home for the Holidays_ "We don't have to like each other. We're family." -Claudia, _Home for the Holidays_ Andie: True or false: all's fair in love and war. Ben: True. Andie: Great answer. _How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days_ [Andie is holding a tissue in front of Ben's face] Andie: C'mon, blow. Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles. Tony: Yeah, uh, I hate Mr. Sniffles. _How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days_ "I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare- handed strangulation here. Communist politician... God, I miss Communism. The Red threat. People were scared. The Agency had some respect and I got laid every night." -George Kaplan, _Hudson Hawk_ Darwin Mayflower: I'll kill your friends, your family, and the bitch you took to the prom! Hudson Hawk: Betty Jo Byarsky? I can get you an address on that, if you want. _Hudson Hawk_ "If Da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi, naked, in the back of a Cadillac with the both of us." -Darwin Mayflower, _Hudson Hawk_ "History! Tradition! Culture! Are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights!" _Hudson Hawk_ [Crucifix lights up]: Attenciones! Attenciones! Hawk: Catholic girls are scary. _Hudson Hawk_ George Kaplan: The last time you saw me I was bald, beard with no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended Hudson Hawk: My high school science teacher? _Hudson Hawk_ "Oh, the Pope warned me never to trust the CIA!" _Hudson Hawk_ "I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career." -Darwin Mayflower, _Hudson Hawk_ [sorting mail.] Norville: What do you do if the envelope is too big for the box? Ancient Sorter: Well, if you fold 'em, they fire you. I usually throw 'em out. _The Hudsucker Proxy_ "Even now I can feel it. Buried somewhere deep inside me. Watching me, waiting. But you know what scares me the most? When I can't fight it anymore, when it takes over, when I totally lose control... I like it." _The Hulk_ teaser trailer "Bad science, maybe, but personally gratifying." -Talbot, _Hulk_ "We're going to have to watch that temper of yours." -Dr. David Banner, _Hulk_ "Come on, act like an adult, be false." -Jip, _Human Traffic_ "His dad sends and receives messages telepathically through television and satellite, and he's waiting for a sign that the mission is over, and life can start again." _Human Traffic_ "NICE ONE, BROTHA!" _Human Traffic_ "I'm trying to be myself/ Understand everyone/ It's a mission and a half/ Looking at everyone/ Trying to learn something/ But I am getting more confused/ It's hard being cool." -the new national anthem, _Human Traffic_ "...We forget all the pain and the hurt in life, we want to go somewhere else, we're not threatened by people anymore, all our insecurities have evaporated... Ultimately, we just want to be happy." _Human Traffic_ "Do you know why you know the answer to that Koop? 'Cause you're just the same as the rest of us, mate." -Moff, _Human Traffic_ "We're nympholeptics, desiring for the unobtainable." _Human Traffic_ "It's not like we're going to be doing this forever. I mean, we'll all get bored of it eventually." _Human Traffic_ "I guess my point is, I think we're all fucked up in our own way, you know? But we're all doing it together. We're freestyling on the buggered wheel of like, trapped in a world of internal dialogue. Like Bill Hicks said, it's an insane world, but I'm proud to be part of it." _Human Traffic_ "It reminds me of the heady days of Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin when the world trembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again - at the sound of our silence. The order is: engage the silent drive." -Captain Ramius, _The Hunt for Red October_ Capt. Davenport: What is Ramius going to do, sail into New York Harbor, pop the hatch, and say "Here I am"? Jack Ryan: It may be just that simple. _The Hunt for Red October_ "Listen, I'm a politician which means I'm a cheat and a liar, and when I'm not kissing babies I'm stealing their lollipops. But it also means I keep my options open." -Jeffrey Pelt, _The Hunt for Red October_ [meditating] "I'm in my tree talking to the Dixie Chicks and they're making me feel better." -Dawn, _I Heart Huckabees_ "How am I not myself?" _I Heart Huckabees_ "If heaven is such a wonderful place then how come being crucified is such a big fucking sacrifice?" _Igby Goes Down_ Sookie: What kind of name is 'Igby'? Igby: The kind of name that someone named 'Sookie' is in no position to question. _Igby Goes Down_ Igby: Oliver is majoring in neo-fascism at Columbia. Oliver: Economics. Igby: Semantics. _Igby Goes Down_ D.H.: I believe, umm, that certain people in life are meant to fall by the wayside; to serve as warnings to the rest of us; signs posts along the way. Igby: To where? D.H.: Success. Oliver: Our father would be a 'slippery when schizophrenic' sign, for instance... [pause] Oliver: ...along the highway of life. _Igby Goes Down_ Sookie: Why aren't you in school now? Igby: Sheer ingenuity. _Igby Goes Down_ "Good things come to obsessive-compulsives who fixate." _Igby Goes Down_ "He's always enjoyed being the bearer of bad tidings." _Igby Goes Down_ "His creation was an act of animosity, why shouldn't his life be one?" -Mimi, _Igby Goes Down_ "I think if Gandhi had to spend a prolonged amount of time with you, he'd end up beating the shit out of you, too." -Oliver, _Igby Goes Down_ Russell: He left you a ticket. Igby: Excellent. Russell: It's nonrefundable. He wanted me to tell you that. Igby: Dick. _Igby Goes Down_ Igby: It's ironic that the first time in my life that I feel remotely affectionate for her, is when she's dead. Oliver: You beat up her corpse! Igby: I know, but after that. _Igby Goes Down_ Eisenheim: Are you completely corrupt?! Chief Inspector Uhl: No, not completely, which is why I'll advise you not to accuse anyone. _The Illusionist_ "Eisenheim, I don't want to arrest you. I'm a cynical man, God knows. But if your manifestations are somehow real, then even I'm willing to admit, you're a very special person. And if it's a trick, then it's equally impressive. Either way, you have a gift. So don't make me put you in jail!" -Chief Inspector Uhl, _The Illusionist_ Tony: Where the hell are we? Percy: Geographically speaking, in the northern hemisphere. Socially, on the margins. And narratively, with some way to go. _The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus_ "Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't." -Ray, _In Bruges_ Ken: Your girlfriend's very pretty. Jimmy: She ain't my girlfriend. She's a prostitute I just picked up. Ken: I was not aware that there were any prostitutes in Bruges. Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places... brothels are good. Ken: Well, you've picked up a very pretty prostitute. Jimmy: Thank you. _In Bruges_ "I should say you look rather lost, but then I can't imagine where in the world the three of you would look at home." -Chattar Lal, _Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom_ Indiana Jones: Wear your jewels to bed Princess? Willie: Yeah. And nothing else. Shock you? Indiana Jones: Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist. _Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom_ "Thank you, bank robber!" -Frazier, _Inside Man_ "I can't judge. There are two kinds of people in Alaska: those who were born here and those who come here to escape something. I wasn't born here." -Rachel, _Insomnia_ "They had forgotten the first lesson: that we must be powerful, beautiful, and without regret." -Armand, _Interview With The Vampire_ "Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we." -Lestat, _Interview With The Vampire_ "The world changes, we do not, there lies the irony that finaly kills us." -Armand, _Interview With The Vampire_ Miles Massey: "Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery..." Mrs. Rexroth, do you know those lines? Freddy Bender: Objection, your honor. Judge Marva Munson: Grounds? Freddy Bender: Uh... poetry recitation. _Intolerable Cruelty_ Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor - strangling the witness. Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it. _Intolerable Cruelty_ Miles Massey: I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me. Marylin Rexroth: Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me. Freddy Bender: No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone. Wrigley: Hear, hear. Freddy Bender: Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house. Wrigley: Miles's house. Freddy Bender: Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself. _Intolerable Cruelty_ McCord: I know you're new to this whole human thing, but... backpacks for boys, purses for girls. You understand? Jordan: We're not idiots. McCord: Well, excuse me, Miss "I'm-so-smart-I-can't-wait-to-go-to-the-Island!" _The Island_ Lincoln Six-Echo: What's "God"? McCord: Well, you know, when you want something really bad and you close your eyes and you wish for it? God's the guy that ignores you. _The Island_ Laurent: I've said and done things I'm not proud of, but sooner or later you realise, killing's a business. So... when did killing become a business for you? Merrick: Oh, no. It's so much more than that. I have discovered the Holy Grail of science. In two years, I can cure children's leukemia. How many people on Earth can say that? Laurent: I guess just you and God. But that's the answer you want, isn't it? _The Island_ "I have seen the devil in my microscope, and I have chained him." _The Island of Dr. Moreau_ "Si, si, but if you can help your friends and hurt your enemies, isn't that what Christmas is all about?" -Pepe, _It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie_ Grunt soldier: What do we do with this guy? Brodski: I promised the professor that we take this guy alive. After you blow him all to hell take one of his legs and tell the professor we tried to take him. _Jason X_ Rowan: I don't think he's out there... Janessa: Why don't you just stick your head out and have a peek? _Jason X_ "Oh, you want your machete! Shit, it's yours! Take it! Just remember who got it back for ya... [calling out] Guys, it's okay! He just wanted his machete back!" -Professor Lowe, _Jason X_ Brodski: It's gonna take more than a little poke in the ribs to put this old dog down. [Jason stabs him through the chest again] Brodski: OK, that ought to do it. _Jason X_ [Re: lesbians] "Oh, God love them. They get so much done in a day, don't you think?" -the Virgin Mary, _Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter_ "If I'm not back in five minutes, call the Pope." _Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter_ Alexander: I don't understand why they let you come. Alexandra: Because I was in the comic book. Alexander: What? Alexandra: Nothing. _Josie and the Pussycats_ Josie: If i could go back in time I'd take back everything I said! Melody: If I could go back in time, I'd meet Snoopy. _Josie and the Pussycats_ Melody: It's so romantic. Josie: Yeah, in a creepy, ironic sort of way. _Josie and the Pussycats_ "So, what's the morale of the story here? Freaks should date other freaks?" -Alexandra, _Josie and the Pussycats_ "I hate it when I'm always right." -Ian Malcolm, _Jurassic Park_ "Creation is an act of sheer will." _Jurassic Park_
Page by: Paul M. M. Jacobus (paul@otd.com)
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