Quote-o-rama:
Space Ghost: Coast to Coast

"This is the lowest point in my career since I was groped by that fucking
 Alf puppet."
					_Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog

"Zorak, write this down: no."
					-Space Ghost

"Prepare yourself for a butt-kicking, Tad, in 3-D _and_ SenSurround!"
                                        -Chad

"Let the power of Ponch compel you!"
"I'm not jealous, I'm on strike."
"I got your Magic Dragon right here."
"I'd pay twenty-five dollars to hear Lokar shut up."
"He can't fire me, I'm the hardest working Mantis in show business. Yow!"
[hypnotizing] "Ice-T, you will hook Zorak up with some fly honeys..."
					-Zorak

"Croutons are what make me tingly. I'm serious. I'm crou-tingly."
					-Space Ghost

Space Ghost: ...And I'm tickled pink to be here!
Zorak: Tickled stupid, you mean.

"Well then, I shall unleash a firestorm of humility the likes of which the
 universe has never seen!"
					-Space Ghost

Zorak: I don't want your filthy goat! So there!
Moltar: I'll take it.

Space Ghost: Moltar, give me Jeff Foxworthy or give me death!
Moltar: Do I get to pick?

"Oh, I forgot to tell you: the monkey's suing you too."
                                        -Dr. Nightmare, Attorney at Law

Space Ghost: Zorak can lick my center of gravity.
Zorak: Not even with Moltar's tongue.
Moltar: Technically it's an oblong titanium slat.

"I think Casper was actually the ghost of Richie Rich."
                                        -Matt Groening

"Don't stumble around in the dark and stub your toe on financial ruin.
 Turn the light on!"
                                        -Brak

Space Ghost: What a wonderful story. I wonder who owns the movie rights.
Zorak: Ted Turner.
Space Ghost: Oh well, nevermind.

"You know, I base my life on your teachings, Space Ghost."
                                        -Matt Groening

"Look Moltar, we can't have our guests being possessed by your freeloading
 brother-in-law."
					-Space Ghost

"Funk this, you wookie!"
"Hey Wide Load, we're back."
"Yep, monogamy's where it's at in the 90's."
"(He knows they won't let him have scissors.)"
"Sometimes, I think elves are following me."
"It's officially a lull."
"Napalm... ah to be young again..."
"That's awesome! Dead people crack me up."
"I hope you die before your wedding!"
"Great. Leno has Hugh Grant, and we have a vibrating insect."
                                        -Moltar

"Tag out Taddy! I wanna taste some Zombie-meat!"
                                        -Leonard Ghostal

"Did you ever meet Haystack Calhoun? He was a MOUNTAIN of a man."
                                        -Leonard Ghostal

"Oh boy, the Shatner's really hit the fan now. I'm up Dawson's Creek
 without a paddle."
					-Space Ghost

"I'll kick your kidneys out, and then I'll make a pie out of them."
"But why take _this_ show over? It stinks!"
"OK listen, I want _all_ the bones when we're done."
"I am Zorak, Dark Lord of Inequity! Bow down before me!"
"Keep your glasses on, Four-Eyes."
"Sidekicks are good at kicking things."
"That Nanny needs a lozenge."   
"Oh no, not the night school story!"
"Biscuit!"
"You've been known to wear red lipstick after one too many wine coolers."
"Simmer down there, Sandra Dee."
"We put the SG in MSG."
"What's wrong with my character?"
"He looks like a Batman villian!"
"With freedom comes nudity!"
"It's a mantis thing, you wouldn't understand."
"Would you feel better if I jabbed you in the eye?"
"Man, who needs PBS when you've got educational programming like this?"
"It had a good beat, and I could beat you to it. I give it a 75."
"I'm up for a Peabody."
"Man, you wrong about that."
"Actually, I'm Episcopalian."
"I don't bathe. I carry many diseases."
"I need some packing materials."  
                                        -Zorak

Bad Comedian: I've never done anything where absolutely no one laughs.
Moltar: Welcome to Space Ghost: Coast to Coast!

"I'm really creative! Sometimes I wear an eyepatch because I'm so
 creative."
					-Space Ghost

"Do you guys validate parking?"
                                        -Joel Hodgson

David Byrne: I find myself...
Zorak: ...living in a shotgun shack.

Jon Stewart: I have some advice for you...
Space Ghost: Wait, let me guess: work extra hard when the guest is hung
                over?

"Well, you know what they say: if you can't stand the chef, blast her out
 of the kitchen!"
					-Space Ghost

Moltar: This is how I am. I'm destroying the planet!
Denis Leary: Is that so?
Moltar: Yeah. And I'm having a sale too.

"I believe even superheros have refractory periods."
                                        -Adam Corrola

"Space Ghost, you're not a very good historian."
                                        -Dr. Drew

Space Ghost: Also tonight, I will blast Zorak repeatedly for busting up
             my apartment.
Zorak: Go ahead, I'll just regenerate.

"Take this Ming! I'm sick of your stupid dynasty!"
                                        -Brak

"Oh, go grapple with your lever!"
"All these retro-punks, with their pale white skin and black clothing..."
"Moltar, harvest his skin!"
"Did I mention I like to sketch? I'm pretty deep that way."
"Zut alors! I _do_ love the Nanny!"     
"Man, you can't even download good help these days."
"Great Galaxies man! Are you on some kind of bender?!"
"Thanks for the update Geraldo!"
"I don't get it. Where are all the saucer craft?"
"I'm just a line man for the county."
"I told you Zorak, we're not doing a musical tribute to Jack Klugman."
"I must warn you, Emeril: I can eat a manly pile."
"I was actually a philosophy major in college."
"The difference between your show and mine is that my show is still on."
"I told you to shed before the show!"
"Is that it? Those are measly little sissy powers!"
"What in the name of Jumanji is going on here?!"
"He needs your bones."
"I bet there's some treats in that bucket."
"The Native Americans call me 'Broken-Wind Claps-Like-Thunder.'"
"Pay no attention to him, Jack. He's evil."
"Moltar, find me another expert. One that likes me this time."
"I beat up Charlton Heston once."
"Evil villians! Stand down from the funk!"
"So, besides the teeth, what superpowers do you have?"
"Oh, that's right. You're a smoker."
"What in the name of Vic Tayback was that?!"
"Darn tootin', nephew-breath."
"Take that you cheese-eaters!"
"Citizen Beck, expound on your freaklike manner."
"Moltar: release the taco!"
"Oh boy, I'm nervous. I'm sweating like a Trekkie."
"Where'd you get that sweater? It looks cheap."
"Can you clean up the spill on aisle 9?"   
"...then let's change the subject to me."
"You know, I had a computer once. It tried to KILL me."
					-Space Ghost

"If I could control the weather, I would own the Space Ghost Talk Show."
                                        -Mark McEwan

"Swanky fool! Tonight your millions will be mine!"
                                        -Chad Ghostal

All: "RELAX THE CHICKEN?!?"

Moltar: Well, that's just super. Zorak's dead.
Space Ghost: You make it sound like it's my fault.

Space Ghost: Hey Mike, when Zorak dies, will he become a ghost?
Zorak: Bring it on!

"There's no such thing as leprechauns... I'm too tall to be a leprechaun."
                                        -Denis Leary

Space Ghost: So, Zorak, how was your weekend?
Zorak: I, uh, I did some volunteer work over at the orphanage.

Mark McEwan: Aren't black holes those things you want to stay away from?
Moltar: Yeah. If yer yella!

"Have you any dangerously sequined hot pants?"
                                        -Lokar

Zorak: Thacrebleu! I think I'm going to be thick.
Moltar: Theriously.

"I got some underwear that's scented, but I don't think that's what
 you're looking for."
                                        -Moltar

Space Ghost: I could plead the Fifth.
Zorak: If you could count that high.

"Oh, there's plenty of other balls in the sea. Plus, you're not very
 talented."
					-Space Ghost

Space Ghost: [looking for Zorak] Green... wears a vest... tall guy...
        bald...
Zorak: ...no pants...

Zorak: My onscreen name is LoneMantisOfTheApocalypse at ghostplanet
        dot com
Moltar: My onsceen name is HotBoy at dot, dot, something or other dot
        com.

Page by: Paul M. M. Jacobus (paul@otd.com)
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