Quote-o-rama:
The Big Television File: N-ZSee also:
"People tell me things. I'm approachable." -the Marquis de Carabas, _Neverwhere_ "The Marquis de Carabas is a little bit dodgy in the same way that rats are a little bit covered in fur." -Door, _Neverwhere_ "I'm an extraterrestrial diplomat; I don't fix toasters." _The New Johnny Quest_ "Look, it's only a birthday present! It just means I'm glad you didn't die partway through the year." -Dave Nelson, _NewsRadio_ "Don't mess with me, I bit off a nun's ear today." _The Oblongs_ "This better be life or death, Ring-Tail, or we can arrange those stakes." -Skipper, _The Penguins of Madagascar_ "I've got my freak on for recon." -Skipper, _The Penguins of Madagascar_ Marlene: I don't think these are the kind of creatures you can reason with! Skipper: Don't worry Marlene: neither are we. _The Penguins of Madagascar_ Kowalski: Um, did I win? Skipper: Sure. Symbolically. _The Penguins of Madagascar_ "There is no success or failure. Only results." _Persons Unknown_ "I didn't know Meowth was so... spunky." -James, Team Rocket, _Pokemon_ "Helping the police would blemish my perfect criminal record." -Jesse, Team Rocket, _Pokemon_ Jesse: We won't give him back without a fight! James: And fighting for things that don't belong to us is our speciality! _Pokemon_ "Drat! We just wasted this whole episode cheering for the good guys!" -James, Team Rocket, _Pokemon_ "Bulbasaur, go lick Psyduck on the head!... Now, use the tickle attack!" -Ash, _Pokemon_ "Team Rocket's acting almost human!" -Ash, _Pokemon_ "We're evil, not insensitive." -James, Team Rocket, _Pokemon_ "We have a proud tradition of failure to uphold." -James, Team Rocket, _Pokemon_ "Thank you, Billy. We had no idea you were a cyclops." -Miss Kean, _The Powerpuff Girls_ "...And so, the only way to save the earth is to eat broccoli." _The Powerpuff Girls_ "If I belonged to a club like this I'd have to cancel my membership on account of them letting in the likes of me." _Psych_ "Shawn, there's something weird about every family. That's what makes America great." -Henry, _Psych_ Shawn: You've seen _The Mentalist_, right? Cop: Yes. Shawn: It's like that. Gus: Except that guy's a fake. Shawn: Right, if I was a fake psychic it would be eerily similar. Gus: Exactly. Shawn: A virtual carbon copy. _Psych_ "I never told you that the victim *wasn't* a sea lion..." _Psych_ "Have you ever seen a very attractive man solve a crime before?" -Shawn, _Psych_ "That dog is kind of an a-hole." -Shawn, _Psych_ Gus: You can't dance at a funeral, Shawn! Shawn: Oh, suddenly you're the arbiter of good taste? _Psych_ Lister: It's really debilitating being crazy about somebody. You lose 20 IQ points every time you see them. Rimmer: You must be nuts about a fair few people then. _Red Dwarf_ "It's my duty; my duty as a complete and utter bastard." -Rimmer, _Red Dwarf_ Rimmer: What are you waiting for? Shoot him!! Lister: What? In the back? Rimmer: Yes in the back, it's only unfortunate that he's awake! _Red Dwarf_ "We're not getting out of here in one piece, or if we do, it'll be one big flat piece." -Rimmer, _Red Dwarf_ "They're tying Winnie the Pooh to the stake?" -Cat, _Red Dwarf_ "Long ago in a distant land.... I, AKU, the shapeshifting master of darkness, unleashed an UNSPEAKABLE EVIL... Then, a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me... Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks a way to return to the past and undo the future that is AKU!" _Samurai Jack_ "This week, Secretary of State Colin Powell admitted that there is no direct link between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda. So let that be a warning world leaders. If you have no direct link to al Qaeda, we will get you." -Tina Fey, _Saturday Night Live_ "For those of you who don't know, Kabbalah is an ancient form of publicity invented by Madonna." -Tina Fey, _Saturday Night Live_ "MSNBC reporter Ashley Banfield, now in Pakistan covering events there, has cut her hair short and died it brown in order to go undercover in the male-dominated country. Take it from me, Ashley: If you think having brown hair and wearing glasses will keep men from noticing you... you are right." -Tina Fey, _Saturday Night Live_ "Prostitutes in Lyons, France sent a fax to the government to complain that they are losing business to Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French prostitutes that all their customers are running to the Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did they all trundle down to Kinko's - 'You fax these, I'll let you shave me.' Thirdly, how come French whores know how to work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Powersave, or I forget to dial 9... This just proves what my boyfriend always says - that I am dumber than a French whore." -Tina Fey, _Saturday Night Live_ [Discussing objects thrown at the ref.] "Well, it was a pig fetus in a jar; not a human fetus, like in Philadelphia. And fortunately, the jar didn't break... like in Philadelphia." "The Referee Pittman Show," _Saturday Night Live_ "Now is that not the best damn thing you ever shoved in your curry-hole?" -Captain Murphy, _Sealab 2021_ "Good luck finding a candy-flavored ferret!" -Captain Murphy, _Sealab 2021_ "It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!" -Captain Murphy, _Sealab 2021_ "Good cop, bad cop left for today. I'm a whole different kind of cop." -Vic Mackey, _The Shield_ "Mackey is not a cop. He's Al Capone with a badge." -Acaveda, _The Shield_ "Every scar is a victory. This is just my biggest." _The Shield_ "I got more truth from her in ten minutes than I got from you all year." _The Shield_ Claudette: Where do you get this stuff from? Dutch: Hey, it happens. _The Shield_ Kang: It's a two-party system. You have to vote for one of us! Man: Well then, I believe I'll vote for a third party! Kang: Go ahead! Throw your vote away! Ahahahaha! _The Simpsons_ Homer: She's gonna narc on our stash! Marge: We don't have a stash. Homer: No... of course not. _The Simpsons_ Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely. You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide. Corgan: Well, we try to make a difference. _The Simpsons_ "He'd be cute if he weren't so idealistic." -Marge, _The Simpsons_ "Mr. Simpson, please do not offer my god a peanut." -Apu, _The Simpsons_ "I used to be with 'it', but then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it' anymore and what's 'it' seems weird and scary." -Grandpa Simpson, _The Simpsons_ "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it half-assed. That's the American way." -Homer, _The Simpsons_ "Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece. -Lisa, _The Simpsons_ "I'm disrespectful to dirt! Can you see I am serious?!" -Mr. Sparkle, _The Simpsons_ "We try to put tiny jokes throughout that connect. We aspire in some ways to be as dense as _The Simpsons_. That's the gold standard." -Tina Fey, on writing _30 Rock_ "You think God would have sex with a porcupine? No only Satan Prince of Darkness would do that!" _South Park_ ("Woodland Critter Christmas") "America may have some problems, but it's our home. Our team. And if you don't wanna root for your team... then you should get the hell out of the stadium. Go America." -Stan, _South Park_ Detective Lee: He knows Spider-man. He's cool. Blade: Knowing Spider-man does *not* make him cool. _Spider-man_ Tombstone: Come down here and fight like a man! Spider-Man: I don't suppose I could convince you to come up here and fight like a spider? _Spider-Man_ "Don't panic, folks! I'm with the transit police. Like the new uniforms?" _Spider-man Unlimited_ [in an alternate universe.] Spider-man: My spider-sense is tingling! Green Goblin: Your what is doing what? _Spider-Man Unlimited_ Angry customer: You think this is funny?! Plankton: In a cosmic sort of way, yes. _Spongebob Squarepants_ "Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." -Plankton, _Spongebob Squarepants_ "Coin-operated self-destruct? Not one of my better ideas." -Plankton, _Spongebob Squarepants_ Squidward: Why is your suitcase full of rocks? Patrick: I don't tell you how to live your life! _Spongebob Squarepants_ "The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma." -Patrick, _Spongebob Squarepants_ "When I die, you stay away from my funeral." -Squidward, _Spongebob Squarepants_ "Sometimes, I wish he wasn't so good at his job. That way, when the tough assignments come along, they'd give somebody else the job." -Jake Sisko, _Star Trek: Deep Space Nine_ "Generousity has always been my weakness." -Q, _Star Trek: the Next Generation_ "Encounter at Farpoint" "May whatever god you believe in have mercy on your soul. This court stands adjourned." -Q, _Star Trek: the Next Generation_ "All Good Things" "Ah, your species is always dying and suffering." -Q, _Star Trek: the Next Generation_ "Hide and Q" "The Borg is like a force of nature. You don't feel anger towards a storm on the horizon, you just avoid it." _Star Trek: Voyager_ "Each loss is a new vulnerability, wouldn't you say?" -Q, _Star Trek: Voyager_ Weir: Did you find anything abnormal? Something that would suggest they are more advanced than we think? McKay: No. They're either pathetically pre-technological, or brilliantly post technological. Weir: And there's no way this could be a natural phenomenon? McKay: Come on, a perfectly timed directional energy burst that only affected the Wraith ships? Weir: That's a no? McKay: That's a no. _Stargate: Atlantis_ Ford: You know we still haven't named the planet yet. Sheppard: I'm sure the ancients have a name for it. Ford: How about Atlantica? Something like that. Sheppard: I thought we agreed you were not going to name anything anymore. _Stargate: Atlantis_ "You know, if people could just learn to keep their secret underground hatches locked..." -McKay, _Stargate: Atlantis_ Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay. McKay: I'm always like this. Zelenka: My point exactly. _Stargate: Atlantis_ Weir: We're heading towards a food shortage. Rodney: [mouth full] I know, it's getting desperate. I'm almost out of coffee. Sheppard: Well, maybe you should stop drinking eleven cups a day. Rodney: I'm just making sure I'm getting my fair share before it's all gone. Ford: Sounds fair. _Stargate: Atlantis_ Sheppard: You know, we've been having these conversations for a couple of weeks now, and I don't even know your name. You guys do have names, right? Let me guess.. "Steve"? Wraith captive: I am your death, that is all you need to know. Sheppard: I prefer "Steve." _Stargate: Atlantis_ "No offense Doc, but had the Wraith attended the Geneva Convention, they would have tried to feed on everyone there." -Sheppard, _Stargate: Atlantis_ "I only know one thing for sure, and that is flying darkness that eats energy can only be very, very bad." -Rodney, _Stargate: Atlantis_ Beckett: Let's just say it's legal here in the Pegasus Galaxy. Rodney: ...and completely safe? Beckett: As far as experimental gene therapy goes. I *am* manipulating your DNA. [cheerily] Here we go! _Stargate: Atlantis_ "Some of those Athosian women are pretty hot, and we DID just save them from the Wraith, so we gotta trade on that while we can. You know, before they discover that we're not actually that cool." -Rodney, _Stargate: Atlantis_ Beckett: "Faint" is the proper medical term. Rodney: I passed out from... manly hunger! _Stargate: Atlantis_ "Keep in mind they built the Stargates. They did everything *big.*" -Daniel, _Stargate: Atlantis_ "That was a waste of a perfectly good explanation." -O'Neill, _Stargate: Atlantis_ "This is very much a galaxy of your own making, General." -Nerus, _Stargate SG-1 O'Neill: [to Teal´c] You´re so shallow. Daniel: Oh please. Teal´c is like one of the deepest people I know. He´s so deep. Tell him how deep you are. You´ll be lucky if you understand this. Go on, tell him how deep you are. Teal´c: My depth is immaterial to this conversation. Daniel: Oh! You see! _Stargate SG-1_ Carter: They built their own stargate? Daniel: Waaay smarter than us. O´Neill: Ours is bigger. _Stargate SG-1_ O´Neill: It´s hard to say... Thornberg: Some sort of state secret? O´Neill: No, just difficult to pronounce. _Stargate SG-1_ Thor: You have accessed the ship´s computers. O'Neill: So I can do whatever I want? [The ship's lights turn off and on several times.] Thor: Stop it. O'Neill: Okee. _Stargate SG-1_ Daniel: Sphere, planet. Label, name. O´Neill: Following still, not you! _Stargate SG-1_ "Wow, we look cool." -Mitchell, _Stargate SG-1_ [In an alternate universe.] Carter: So, did you try dialing the Stargate address that the Daniel Jackson on the tape mentioned? McKay: No. Why would we do that? Carter: Well, just to see... McKay: Of course we tried. It's called "sarcasm." _Stargate SG-1_ [Examining rock samples.] Balinsky: Now, [the rock] is undergoing further testing but we hope to have the results on your desk first thing tomorrow morning. Jack: Don't you keep me waiting! Balinsky: No, sir! Now, here's where things get really interesting, because you will notice in this... [Daniel walks in.] Daniel: Jack! We need to talk! Oh, sorry for interrupting. Jack: No! It's okay. If it's important, you must interrupt. You _must_. _Stargate SG-1_ Jack: I just walked in with a whole handful of ingredients for my world-famous omelette. Sam: World-famous - what's in them? Jack: Eggs. Sam: I don't think that that actually qualifies as a recipe. Jack: Oh don't kid yourself. There's a secret ingredient. I can't tell you what it is or I'd have to shoot you. Sam: It's beer isn't it? _Stargate SG-1_ "Furlings...they sound cute. Like Ewoks." -Gordie, _Stargate SG-1_ Jack: He's a barber. Daniel: Broke into your house? Jack: Yeah. Daniel: Second week in a row. Jack: A-hmm Daniel: Alarm. Jack: I'm thinking dog. Joe: You could try locking your front door. _Stargate SG-1_ Chekov: How could Kinsey have become a Goa'uld? Jack: Five bucks says Carter has a theory. Sam: As a matter of fact... Jack: Ha! _Stargate SG-1_ Kinsey: You want to take down the Trust. I can help you. Jack: I'm sorry, I must have missed an episode. I thought you guys were working together? _Stargate SG-1_ [Eating military rations.] Daniel: This tastes like chicken. Sam: So what's wrong with it? Daniel: It's macaroni and cheese. _Stargate SG-1_ "Hey, how're ya doing? You know, we'd love to stick around but some braindead sycophant left my buddy out here to die so we're outa here." -O'Neill, _Stargate SG-1_ "Uh, the sun is beeping." -Daniel, _Stargate SG-1_ ("2010") "Were you this annoying when you were Ascended?" -Sam, _Stargate SG-1_ "That you Teal'c. This conversation has been disturbing on many levels." -Daniel, _Stargate SG-1_ Trooper: Not much faith in plan A? O'Neil: Since when has plan A ever worked? _Stargate SG-1_ O'Neill: Well, I certainly understand what you're talking about. Daniel: You do? O'Neill: No. _Stargate SG-1_ [Sending something into the Stargate] "That never gets old, I love that." -Jack, _Stargate SG-1_ Anubis: I AM ANUBIS. O'Neill: [whispering] Oh, c'mon, who talks like that? _Stargate SG-1_ Daniel: Anubis? O'Neill: Yeah, sort of an over-the-top, cliched bad guy... _Stargate SG-1_ "Personally, I think this whole 'ascension' thing is overrrated." -Jack O'Neill, _Stargate SG-1_ "This kind of thing happen to us all the time." _Stargate SG-1_ Brainiac: You are only delaying the inevitable. Static: You're saying that like it's a bad thing. _Static Shock_ "I'm sorry Lois, but your monkey friend is going down." _Superman_ Jimmy Olsen: "Are you sure it's here?" Lois Lane: "Yes, I'm sure. Now keep squeezing the monkeys!" _Superman_ Terrorist: Let's make an example of this hero... a very tragic example, Miss...? Lois Lane: Lane. Terrorist: Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves? Lois Lane: 'Fraid so. -Batman/Superman, _World's Finest_ "All this sneaking around isn't really my style." _Superman_ "I am my own dynasty." -Darkseid, _Superman_ "He's simple-minded and good-hearted and that's a dangerous combination." _Tales From The Crypt_ Cyborg: I knew it, we've got a malfunctioning bifurcating dilator. Raven: Yeah, that was my first guess. _Teen Titans_ ("Stranded") Starfire: You know what it is like to be judged simply because of how you look? Cyborg: Of course I do. I'm part robot. _Teen Titans_ ("Troq") "On my planet, this is hilarious." -Starfire, _Teen Titans_ Beast Boy: Dude, Cyborg is more Cyborg-y than ever! Starfire: Agreed. He now opens even larger cans of "the butt whoop." _Teen Titans_ ("Overdrive") Cyborg: Find the configuration disk. Beast Boy: You mean the thing that looks like a pizza with eyeballs? Cyborg: Why can't you just call it a configuration disk? Beast Boy: Why can't you just call it an eyeball pizza thingy? _Teen Titans_ ("Stranded") [Beast Boy is wearing a paper hat.] Cyborg: But, how am I supposed to beat Billy without the Max-7? I could barely keep up with him before. Beast Boy: Maybe you don't need to keep up with him. I can turn into the biggest, strongest, fastest animals on earth, but you know what, dude? Sometimes it's best to be a slow, tiny turtle. [Beast Boy holds out an origami turtle.] Raven: That would have been a lot more profound without the hat. _Teen Titans_ ("Overdrive") "The gem was born of evil's fire. The gem shall be his portal. He comes to claim, he comes to sire. The end of all things mortal." _Teen Titans_ ("The Prophecy") "I have betrayed and attacked everyone who used to be my friend. One by one, I have destroyed the Teen Titans. And with no one left to stop me, I have brought an entire city to its knees. My name is Terra. I have done horrible things. And I have absolutely no regrets." _Teen Titans_ ("Aftershock") Beast Boy: So you got your butt kicked. Happens all the time. Raven: To some more than others. _Teen Titans_ ("The Quest") "We got a pinata shaped like Beast Boy. You *know* you want to smack it." -Cyborg, _Teen Titans_ Jinx: You could have been one of us. Cyborg: I could have been a lot of things. _Teen Titans_ ("Deception") Gizmo: ...your initiation! [they pull out a little pink dress and a unicycle.] Stone: Ha ha! That's it? Mammoth: Don't laugh. You have to eat the unicycle. _Teen Titans_ ("Deception") Cyborg: I never got to finish high school because of... [looks at hands] this. And when I was at the Hive, for a while there I actually felt... normal. Starfire: I did not know you before, so to me, you are normal. _Teen Titans_ ("Deception") Robin: You BROKE reality?! Larry: We broke it! Together! _Teen Titans_ ("Larry") Cyborg: And Blood couldn't brainwash you because... ? Bumblebee: There's not a man alive that can tell me what to do. _Teen Titans_ ("Wavelength") Robin: Uh, Starfire, Where's the sofa? Starfire: Uhhhhhhh, many of your eathly ways are still strange to me, please explain this so-fa. _Teen Titans_ ("Can I Keep Him?") Robin: We're shutting you down, Johnny. Raven: And your little dog too. _Teen Titans_ ("Can I Keep Him?") "Maybe you should call me Beast Man from now on!" -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ ("The Beast Within") "Another spy? Tell me, was anyone at my school actually there to learn?!" -Brother Blood, _Teen Titans_ ("Wavelength") "Well, if someone was trying to clone me, they didn't do a very good job." _Teen Titans_ ("Larry") Cyborg: Raven, you like waffles, don't ya?! Raven: More than life itself. _Teen Titans_ ("Crash") "So, we're just gonna pretend this never happened. Deal?" -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ ("Crash") Robin: You're getting MARRIED?! Raven: Anyone we know? _Teen Titans_ ("Betrothed") Cyborg: Ooh, my stomach! I feel like I ate a tire! Raven: That's a distinct possibility. _Teen Titans_ ("Crash") [Beast Boy changes into an alien animal.] Cyborg: Dude, how'd you know you could do that? Beast Boy: Lucky guess. _Teen Titans_ ("Betrothed") Beast Boy: Lucky for you guys, I happen to be a master of disguise. Raven: Yeah, a green mongoose is gonna blend riiight in. _Teen Titans_ ("Deception") [Beast Boy growls.] Terra: Stop! Aren't you even going to talk to me? Cyborg: There's nothing left to say. Starfire: You attempted to annihilate us! Raven: Did you think we wouldn't take it personally? Robin: It's over, Terra. _Teen Titans_ ("Aftershock") "Her name was Terra. She was gifted with tremendous powers, and cursed with it as well. She was a dangerous enemy, and a good friend. And she was one of the bravest people I have ever known." -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ ("Aftershock") Kitten: And would it kill you to smile?! Robin: ...Maybe. _Teen Titans_ [arguing.] Robin: You got a problem, tinman?! Cyborg: Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel! _Teen Titans_ "My muscles are mechanical now. Limits are built in. No matter how hard I try, 100% is all I got." -Cyborg, _Teen Titans_ "And the winner by Tech-no-logical Knock Out, the mechanical maniac, the bionic bruiser, the one, the only, Cyborg!" -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ "Mechanic: buff me." -Atlas, _Teen Titans_ "Hell-oo? Isn't it obvious? The movie is cursed. Watching it opened a portal to another dimension. THe monster came through the portal! Now it's gonna hunt us down and eat us, and I'm probably delicious!" -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ "If that remote can turn candy evil, who knows what else it can do?!" -Cyborg, _Teen Titans_ [Titans alarm goes off.] "OK, why is everybody beeping?" -Terra, _Teen Titans_ "Just so you know, that's not really dealing with it." -Raven, _Teen Titans_ Killer Moth: My demands are simple. The city will declare me ruler. The Teen Titans will surrender. And Robin... will take this lovely young lady to her junior prom. Kitten: Hi Robbie-poo!!! Robin: Um, what was that last part again? Starfire: Robin, who is this girl, and why does she call you 'poo'? _Teen Titans_ "Dude, we can handle it. The guy's got a spider for a head. Not like he's gonna be hard to find." -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ "Mmmm-mmm! Never knew evil tasted _so_ good!" -Cyborg, _Teen Titans_ "Tastes like sushi mixed with ice cream. Got any more?" -Terra, _Teen Titans_ "What, haven't you guys ever seen a superhero before?" -Terra, _Teen Titans_ Beast Boy: Helloooo, ladies. Wanna go for a spin on my... moped? Girl: _You_ have a moped? Beast Boy: No, but I'm... saving up for one. _Teen Titans_ "Goodness, I seemed to have turned off Beast Boy's microphone." -Cyborg, _Teen Titans_ Slade: Who knows, you may even come to see me as a father. Robin: I already have a father. _Teen Titans_ "Uh, how did I get here, and why am I covered in drool?" -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ ("Mad Mod") "That demented doofus is never hypnotizing me again!" -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ ("Mad Mod") Aqualad: I usually work alone. Beast Boy: Me too. Aqualad: Do not! You're part of a team! Beast Boy: Yeah? Well, *you* hang out with Tram the Fish Boy! _Teen Titans_ Trigon: HATRED SHALL RULE. Raven: Let's just say I have issues with my father. _Teen Titans_ Starfire: I'm me! And you're you! Cyborg: And we're us! _Teen Titans_ "I think this might be where air fresheners come from." -Beast Boy, _Teen Titans_ Beast Boy: You know, she never once laughed at my jokes? Cyborg: At least she listens. I just kind of tune you out. _Teen Titans_ "Enough with creating different dimensions all over the house!" _Tenchi Universe_ Bill Bradley: I have used marijuana several times in my life, but never cocaine. Cokie Roberts: Senator, on guns and violence. Sam Donaldson: Excuse me, Cokie. Recently in your life? Bradley: No. Donaldson: When you were a kid? Bradley: Well, yes. Right. Have you? Donaldson: I think a couple of times I've tried it. And I inhaled. Bradley: Have you, Cokie? Roberts: Oh, listen, I was so pregnant during those years. The senator... Bradley: George? Who wants to know? George Will: No. Donaldson: How come you give George a pass? Will: No. I'm from the Falstaff beer generation. _This Week Sunday,_ ABC, 1999 "COOPER, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL MEXICAN CHIHUAHUA." -Gordon Cole, _Twin Peaks_ "In my opinion religion's a placebo, which isn't to say the placebo doesn't work." _Ultraviolet_ "I see so much of myself in that boy that I want to apologize to him for his existence. He can't win. He's a Venture." _The Venture Brothers_ "So no more teaching chimps to box, huh? By the way, thanks for that new personal low." -Brock, _The Venture Brothers_ Monarch Henchman #1: Boss, there's a monster down here! Monarch Henchman #4: I think it was two ninjas taped together to make one giant ninja! _The Venture Brothers_ Brock: Do you have nothing else to do but harp on Dr. Venture? Why don't you try the world domination thing. You afraid of the big leagues? Monarch: Pleeaasse. Do I look stupid to you? World domination. I'll leave that to the religious nuts and the Republicans, thank you. _The Venture Brothers_ "I dare you to make less sense." -Dean, _The Venture Brothers_ Dr. Venture: Is my tie on straight? Brock: Yeah. You can't miss with a clip-on. _The Venture Brothers_ [Dr. Orpheus takes the stand.] Tiny Attorney: Dr. Orpheus, could you tell the court what you... do? You're a type of... magician? Dr. Venture: Oh, they have no idea what they're in for... _The Venture Brothers_ Dr. Girlfriend: Hey is that the guy from Depeche Mode? Monarch: It is the guy from Depeche Mode. He's with a woman? Dr. Girlfriend: Oh yeah, he's totally straight. I saw a story about him on the VH-1. Monarch: But he's the guy from Depeche Mode! _The Venture Brothers_ Monarch: Look over there. It's the Bearded Spectre. Oh my god, look what he's got on... Dr. Girlfriend: Are those giant shorts or tiny pants? _The Venture Brothers_ Brisby: Oh that, that's just Lili, enjoying her lunch. Dr. Venture: Lili? Brisby: Yes, my long time companda. I won her from David Bowie in a trivia contest. This was 1980, 1981 perhaps. Years before the big trivia craze. But then, Bowie always was a trend-setter. _The Venture Brothers_ "Now that we've exchanged pleasantries and hot panda milk, Dr. Venture, let's talk business." -Brisby, _The Venture Brothers_ Brock: The Guild works clean, professional. It's surgical with them. In a way, they're the only organization I still respect. Hank: And they kill clean. Don't let *dames* get in the way. Brock: Honestly, Hank, where do you pick that stuff up? I never see you read. Dean: It's weird, right? Brock: It's like he channels dead crazy people! _The Venture Brothers_ "Why is it every time I need to get somewhere we get waylaid by jackassery?" -Dr. Venture, _The Venture Brothers_ Dr. Venture: You just won't stop, will you? You just keep pushing my buttons. Monarch: You're my arch-enemy. That's what I do; it's my thing! _The Venture Brothers_ "If I knew you could just call the cops on him, I would've done it years ago! Because I'm no sissy, no sir, I would just pick up that phone and, 'Officer? There's a man in a butterfly suit shooting my robot with a laser beam.'" -Dr. Venture, _The Venture Brothers_ Hank: Hey, I had to sleep in my clothes. Now I feel gross wearing them two days in a row! Monarch: You're kidding me, right? That's the only outfit I've ever seen you in! Hank: Well that doesn't mean I never wash it. Monarch: Fair enough. ... Monarch: And what about you? Brock: I didn't sleep in my clothes. Monarch: 27! Burn his sheets! _The Venture Brothers_ "Careful, lad. his hands of those are strong enough to crush a boulder, but delicate enough to crush a butterfly." -Col. Gentleman, _The Venture Brothers_ "I'm not going to flush. Let them see the wrath of the Monarch!" -Monarch, _The Venture Brothers_ [inside Dr. Venture's lab] "Here I am in the belly of the beast, and I don't even care. I don't even feel like taking a whiz on this. I used to dream of taking a whiz on this." -Monarch, _The Venture Brothers_ "People stopped trusting government during Vietnam because government stopped putting their trust in them." -C.J., _West Wing_ "I really didn't think I could be surprised by music anymore." -Bartlett, _West Wing_ "We've got a seperation of power, checks and balances... and Margaret." -Leo, _West Wing_ "I'm boning up my Mars." -C.J., _West Wing_ "NASA's great at naming things!" -Bartlett, _West Wing_ C.J.: Everybody's stupid in an election year, Charlie. Charlie: No. Everybody gets treated stupid in an election year, C.J. _The West Wing_ Leo: "Do you want to mock people, or do you want to let me talk to Toby?" Josh: "I want to mock people." _West Wing_ "My Secret Service name is 'Flamingo.' I have to feed my fish." -C.J., _West Wing_ Leo: "Think of the whales." Bartlett: "Do they vote?" -Bartlett, _West Wing_ "Your paranoia was a lot sexier when you guys were Communist." -Bartlett, _West Wing_ "The purpose of the flute is to make people cry during Irish movies." _Will and Grace_ "It's an illegal manuver... 'ma-new-ver.'" -Taz, WWE: Smackdown on the Tarantula on Mytserio "And he ruined that garbage can too! Who'd that garbage can ever bother?!" -Paul Heyman, _WWF: Raw is War_ "That's the last time I suck that painsicle!" -Edge, WWF: Smackdown "Taiwan, Japan, Newark, it's all the same." -Taz, WWF: Heat "Hold on a second! Are you picking on my brother, huh? Let me tell you something. People have been picking on my brother for his ridiculous name our whole lives..." -Christian, WWF [As two wrestlers fight on the announce table] "What are you doing at our table, we don't speak spanish!!" -Paul Heyman, WWF: Raw "Offbeat shenanigans rule!" -Edge, WWF: Raw is War "Let me get this straight - you're jealous because you think Y2J is one of the 'pretty people.' Well first of all, it's a little bit unsettling to find out that a seven foot tall, 350 pound grown man finds me to be... pretty. And second of all, Kane, have you seen these sideburns? There's nothing pretty about THESE monstrosities!" -Chris Jericho, WWF: Smackdown "And thank god the hugfest is over!" -JR, WWF: Raw is War "Christian's parents must have hated him. I mean I wouldn't have liked it if my parents named me 'Jew'" -Heyman, WWF: Raw is War "Milk-a-mania has run wild!" -JR, WWF: Raw is War "He must have a depth perception problem." -JR, WWF: Raw is War "Oh, and by the way, 1998 called and they're sick and tired of you, so feel free to join us in the year 2001 any time! Now you look confused, so let me explain. You see, at one point I was into this whole goth thing, but then developed my very own persona - it's called character development. You should look into it sometime." -Edge, to X-Pac, WWF: Raw is War "Have you ever _been_ to the Isle of Tonga? These people like to eat their own young." -Paul Heyman, on Haku, WWF: Raw is War "It's a sad day when mocking one's opponent via midget becomes an acceptable form of entertainment." -Lance Storm, WWF: Raw is War "God bless our WWF souls!" -JR, WWF: Raw is War "The more you hurt Albert, the angrier he becomes. He's the rabbi of retribution!" -Paul Heyman, _WWF: Raw is War_ "We're totally zombilicious!" -Christian, WWF: No Way Out "She's from another galaxy. You see a woman you don't recognize, rescue her." -Wolverine, _X-men_ "This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence." _The Young Ones_
Page by: Paul M. M. Jacobus (paul@otd.com)
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